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May 25, 2012  – [email from Sandra, study group member] “As I drove home after our group class last night I was replaying the whole ‘family going to the airshow’ role-play we did over in my head and examining it a little further. I was digging a little deeper into the feelings I had felt as I played the husband, and exploring what they meant. In the first version of the role play we arrived at the airbase and the wife was irritated with the young son’s constant complaining about being hungry, and she was worried about them missing the flyover. I could sense her anxiousness immediately because I recognized myself in her; which made me realize that because my husband knows me – he too would sense my anxiousness in such a moment. However, as the husband I didn’t relate to her anxiousness because I would probably have dealt with the son in a different manner than the wife did. It’s not that I didn’t NOTICE what was going on, but rather I chose to IGNORE it so I could get away from her anxiousness and the son’s misbehavior and focus on (in this example) enjoying looking at the planes. When she then reminded me of the time and the need to get to our seats to see the flyover, I felt annoyed because it just all felt too hard and I was losing interest in the venture.

When we redid the role play with the God Empowered Wife ideas and the wife came to me to tell me that our son was whinging, rather than feel exasperated at her for asking my help, I felt empowered because I could deal with the child how I thought best. I felt in control and could feel the “wife” relaxing and depending on me. I even felt the urge to draw her in and share the moment of enjoying the planes WITH her. Because I felt we were in the venture together, when she reminded me of the time I felt it coming from a place of love (she loves me and doesn’t want me to miss the flyover) rather then control (she doesn’t really want to be here so if we miss the event I was excited about she is going to be annoyed with me……)

It’s amazing how just in a role-play all the feelings were so obvious! I started wondering how I could implement what I have learned from this role-play into my own life, recognizing that what I see as ‘helping’ my husband is possibly just seen as ‘control.’ For the first time I could CLEARLY see how this must annoy him. It was a real eye-opener!” Much love, Sandra M.




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